Creating a Life beyond Recognition!

Being Buried under Someone's Thumb!

I sometimes wonder where I'm going in the world. This happens more often lately, because of being so unsecure about every thing in my life right now. No, I'm not saying this because I'm sad, not at all. I just wonder because everything is just so new to me. New in a sense of my working conditions, my friends(not that I have much here at the moment except for Dirk, his wife and their cute little boy whom I called Engelsman - rather I hope so) and purely everything around me has just changed so much and so fast than expected.

One thing my dad always told my is when you believe in something and you really want it to work, you just drop your head and you hit it head on and tackle the bull by the horns. Not that I'm missing head butting, but accepting every opportunity with hands wide opened. I'm still busy figuring out if I like this place. One thing is for certain that I am not depressed the way I use to be within the first 3 months of Mauritius and there are actually nothing I could complain about except for the fucking electricity and my hard matress. Otherwise everything is OK. I also know that I do not want to live here forever. I've seen last night a documentary about CHINA preparing for the Oympics 2008 in Beijing and I just thought how nice it would be to be part of something so expensive, but basically a country that takes pride into their work proving to the world that they can & will try to do everything better. Man, I just wish where I come from people will take the same attitude about life.

They are spending $24billion in upgrading Beijing and trying to blend the historcial OLD City with the new technology that is currently available in the world. So, Iguess the next project that I want to do will need to be definately in China. It is really unbelievable to think what these guys are doing just to uplift the status and perception of their country in the public eye of the civilised first world countries. Definately they focus on what is important to them and not like the Yanks or European countries fucking bubling around politics and bullshitting the rest of the world. Not that I'm from a problem free country and basically I think we can definately go and take note of them. Man, what is life all about?.....Fucking bullshit, money, politics and war. No, it's about waking up in the morning, saying good morning to your wife and kids, have food available on your table, have clean drinking water as well as sanitation. But purely it's about waking up every morning and taking that first breath. That's what's scorring browny points!

I do not want to sound philosophical, but you need to understand that you need to live everday as if there will not be a new tomorrow. What do you think will happen when we all know upfront that there will be no tomorrow? You will spend the last days with your love ones or trying to do everything that you never would have before. Why do you want to do it then? Why don't you do it now? Of course everyone has responsibilities, but you can try to live your life the way you can be happy both sides. You need too. Why on earth did the big Man on top give us the opprtunity to breath? Basically because I think each and everyone are special in his own kind of way. It doesn't matter to me the level of speciality, but at least as long as you believe in yourself and believe that everything is possible if you put your mind to it. 'Cause to me, everything in life has a purpose and we need to respect that and live our life the way we know that we can be happy.

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking. Thought about the past and where I'm standing right now and I have to feel very proud of myself for what I have achieved and for who I am. I was so sad the past couple of weeks, but actually I am very lucky and happy to be here. It means that someone out there believes in me and in my work. That means actually shit load to me. It doesn't matter if you do not always get the acknowledgments from your senior staff, because actions speak louder than words and you have to believe what you are doing are good. Yes, it is hard and sad most of the times, but you do this because you believe in it and get quite respectable money as well. It is easier to walk away and never look back, than to face everyday accepting every responsibilty that comes your way. If I do the easy way out, who will I be then and what will I know?

A lot has been said and I needed to get this off my chest for such a long time and I need to move on and see a new tomorrow. Who knows what tomorrow will hold for you? At this point in time, I'm just so happy my friend got her internet on again and that I will see my friends back on the island soon. I have to admit that I have been really lucky to have met all the great people back on the island. If I have to look back now, I know what was the reason for going to Mauritius and I know more or less what is expected from me right now. But I always have to say why is everything that is so good in your life, so difficult to let go? But there will be a new tomorrow and I will see my friends soon. My plans for visiting Germany are in the progress and I will see mauritius pretty soon as well. I just miss my other buddies in Yankee country just as much and I promise to see you guys before the end of next year.

I love y'all

posted by Gordon van den Heever @ 5:30 pm