Creating a Life beyond Recognition!

No Comments Please - This is just for me!

It doesn’t matter what was said in the past or up to this date. Somehow I thought that I couldn’t care and then you wrote your last 2 emails. I thought that all our pain was long gone, but that definitely has to be a lie, because what I’m feeling right now I do not like at all.

My gut feeling always told me that I shouldn’t worry, because it will work out for us someday even if it’s not meant for us to be together. You wrote those emails because it meant something and it was true. Don’t blame yourself, because a lot has changed during this time, but what stayed the same was that pain & fear of not seeing you again.

I guess we can plan our futures and plan how we want to be happy, but you can’t plan to love someone. Love shouldn’t be complicated as long as it’s pure. Stop trying to make sense of it, because we will never understand why. What you have described in an email that changed both our worlds or maybe set us a step back, I have always believed in it and I did in you. Then you ask me why you are confused now and why you feel like this when you have made your decision…….

I do not have all the answers and I’m human as well, but I believe all that should matter is what your heart feels right now. You should live the moment never less the outcome. Was it wrong, Never! It could have come at a better stage although. What now? That’s again for you to decide. I’ve been told that I should have let go a long time ago, but I can not understand how one could do that to someone you really love even though you walk the road in the shadows. I can not give up on you and forget everything I have believed in for so long……

That would mean that I lived a lie for the past 12 months or so and I’m really sure that I lived that time and I was happy, because you were part of me. I wish life was simple, but unfortunately my dear, it’s not. We should only try and make the best of it and use that what you have to make you happy or at least try and find it. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don’t.

Be really sure you know what you want before you tell me, because I’m going and I’m not going to turn around again. I can’t…..I just can’t. I wish that that it could have been so different, because all I ever wanted was the opportunity to let you know how much YOU could mean to someone…….I wish you knew just how much you mean to me and how you still determine my world. Somehow I feel that this is the final time that I will write this to you, so I hope you will understand. I don’t want you to go, I don’t. And if you are going, please give back my heart and remove those memories that made me just that person who I liked a year ago. Give me back just that, so that you can never break it again.

Dreams can change, but memories lives forever as long as your mind stays sane. Ballerpipe, don’t go. Somehow you fear the outcome and somehow I feel that you are going to say Goodbye! I don’t want too, but I guess I will take it upon myself to let you go.

Goodbye my German Dream!

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow. 

posted by Gordon van den Heever @ 10:36 pm