Creating a Life beyond Recognition!

I'm leaving on that midnight train tomorrow!

It's been really a long time since I have listened to friend Lionel! To be exact it had to be colse to 7 months. People fade, but memories lives on......only because it was such a great time.

Timo and Hubert left the island on Monday exactly a year ago and this has also been the last time I have seen them. Shortly after, to mourn the occasion together with friends, but basically regrouping and get all our thoughts together. It was on a public holiday wich was Wednesday (date wise Thurday) a year ago.....the day my life changed forever. I guess she forgot this day like she has forgot a lot of things. But I'm not good with dates at all, just shows you what impact this day had on my life to follow.

But it was like a lot of things to follow. A lot of good memories followed like the once I have experianced earlier with a different set of friends, but at the same time I signed up (not knowingly, but should have expected it) for basically incredible hard time ahead and I still do feel the consequences of my actions back then. But know can predict anything, but life will teach you the things you are set here to be tought....There is absolutely no 2 ways about it, accept it and grab the bull by the horns and run with it. Who knows when it will ever stop?

One year on, we all are on different continents doing just that we set ourselves to mind. But one thing lives on and that is memories and something that still brings me to my knees is the fact that I under estimated the value or the feeling of true friendships. To the day when I think back of just that most incredible time of my life, I re-live the memories and it does not go apart from a feeling of satisfaction. The sad thing I have to move on. I have to experiance new things (not that I want to forget about the old one's) and follow my road to destiny. Somehow I have come to the point where I have to say goodbye to a lot of good times with a whole lot of good people put together in just one small fucking shit island.....to add what my friend Nachi told me a couple of days (or weeks) ago....The Island of broken dreams.....! And somehow I have seen it happening time and time again, but never thought it could happen to me.

So, time is up......13 days to go! I will go and make my rounds and then I have done my part in this social development phase of my life. Who ever wants to come and see me are most welcome. I am not writing anyone off...It's just that I have to start focussing now on who I am and what I want to achieve in my life. For now, it will have to be alone and I will set my mind on those things that needs my attention. I will focus on what I have done so well for so long, but have let it slip a bit in a way I wish never did. An unscheduled trip has been added into my German schedule (and Yes, it is work again) to visit my head office in Paris to determine where I will fit into Degremont's future plans. I guess this will be around 5 - 10 March and with this meeting I will have determined just that what I have worked so hard for such a long time.

It is funny how we loose the only one thing that was true, honest & committed to you and somwhow afterwards we want to fight to get it back. Why loose it in the first place? I have to say it almost happened, but luckily my eyes has opened up now and I know what is important to me. I will go forward now, with or without you guys. It's my destiny to do the things I believe in.

The time has come for things to happen again and I have waited long enough to try and fix everything that did not fit my life. Looking at it from this perspective that if it did not fit, why waste the time to make it fit........It's from now on all gone.

I packed up all my troubles and sorrows and I will throw them all away. I know where I'm going even if I know I might go all the way alone.

This is not pointed towards anyone and I'm not sad at all. I 'm just shocked of how I could have lost the control. At least I'm on the right track now and if you want to stand with me, you better stand proud and tall.

posted by Gordon van den Heever @ 1:53 am