It's so cute of you helping me!! thanks a lot bru ...
I received an email this morning from a very dear friend of mine....I could never even have imagined people picking up my Afrikaans/English South African dialect and use it in their daily conversations. I mean, just look at the heading, this email could have been from Anne, Uma, Jess, Nachi or anyone else that knows me from the island....."Bru" became a synonum for brother, my boy, my buddy or just anyone that is very close to you. It is so sweet gal! Man, I wish you guys knew actually how much I miss you. This posting is only based on random thoughts that are jurking in my mind probably for the last couple of months.There probably is not one single day that goes by that I do not think about what happened back on the island. I like to call it the place of broken dreams. Who would have thought that I really would have enjoyed that island as much as I did. I remember at one stage where the talk of the town was how these bitchass Mauritian guys make the gals fall to their knees for them only to get a passport out that place.....But then I think back of all the amazing times I had with different groups of people. The last 18 months have been really amazing and now it needs to end. OK, it did end for me, but I can not stop to think of everyone that I've met there. Man, there has to be at least 30 people that I can really call my closest friends to this day whom are now spread all over the world.
It was really so amazing last night when I was chatting with Uma on SKYPE and at the same time I found her house back in USA on Google Earth and I could look right into her backyard. The resolution was really that good and then I wonder really how small this world is. On Sunday a friend of mine picked me up from Johannesburg International Airport and he came along with a primary school buddy of his and can you believe that this guy is the step brother of my Contracts Manager in Tanzania. What are the fucking chances....? Then I sit here and wonder when I will ever see all my friends again. And then I start to smile 'cause I know I'm only a couple of hours away from each and everyone of them.
I know the only thing that can prevent me from seeing them, is my work. Priorities....What is priorities? My priorities differ from each and everyone else's priorities and the way I feel right now, I can just can get on a fucking plaine and do whatever I like to do......I wish it was really that simple. I do have a career to think off, but at the same time I'm just so tired emotionally and physically. I feel like a wreck and I feel like I've burned out totally and I do not have any energy to motivate myself to do something constructive. In SA I pumped myself with a couple B12 injections and swollowed a lot of Vitamin C tablets, but your body knows when it's really time to take off. I do not even think 10 days will be enough to sort out this wreck. I'm thinking more in the lines of 2 months at least.
Then I start to think what I really want in life. I mean, I'm really so confused after Mauritius. Before I went I was only committed to my work and more work and now it feels like I lost my grip in life. I know I'm still young and I do have a long stretch to do (hopefully), but where I come from if you do not start young, you will not make it all. That's the truth! I sit here and think maybe take it day by day and hopefully it will get better soon. But somehow I do not even have the energy to wake up tomorrow morning.....Then I know all my friends around the globe are struggling in some way or another and then I think to myself....Stop bitch. Stop fucking moaning...There are people out there that really have bigger problems and then I just fucked up my whole reason for writing this posting.....But I think I've said what was on my mind and end this posting and go home and go whatch TV. Hopefully the electricity will not go off again. Luckily for the site to have a genset......So then I do have internet and that makes me smile......So, guys, Have fun this weekend and I do miss you all......Tschuss!
posted by Gordon van den Heever @ 8:00 pm
3 Comments:
well thank God for Gensets and internet...
bru, you hammer the nail right on the head with the little bit on priorities. but i guess that the world is a real small place and that we sure stand a pretty good chance of seeing our buddies again. at least i have that on my priority list to see you all again...you guys are such a huge part of my life, just can't let you all go like that. :D
ps: i don't like the idea of calling Mauritius the Island of Broken Dreams...i have only begun to dream and trust me, i'm gonna fulfill each and every one of em'...
;)
Well my friend i know what you're going through, when you described your state of mind i felt like you're talking about me - i feel/felt exactly the same way.
Setting priorities is crucial but it isn't easy - this is also what i wanted to express in my last post. I always feel like i should do more to stay close to my friends who are spread around the globe. But i know as you said everyone is just a couple of hours away.
We all need to deal with our daily struggle as we all have different goals we want to archieve. Thinking of our friends shouldn't hold us back persuing our goals, the thought should encourage us as they would want us to succeed. I know it's hard and difficult because we don't know when we'll meet again and it's so important to see you guys again soon. You all have definitely changed my life in a lot of ways to the better and you made me realize many things about me that i didn't know before. I feel like i need you guys here but i know that isn't possible. That makes me think of turning back time as i would want to live it again just one more time. So this doesn't work too, seems like i have to deal with reality. I'm here, you're there but i know i need to push on and face what is out there to challenge me. I know that i will see all of you sooner or later and that succeeding in life will play a crucial role for to make that happen.
PS: I'd call Mauritius an island of unfinished dreams - so there's still a time to do so.
Hey Bru! was awesome to see those satellite images! I hope you feel better soon. Its no wonder you're not feeling well with all the traveling you've been doing. Stress does take its toll on the body. I hope you take some time to relax and rest. Yes, you. Talk to you soon!
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